"Everything That’s Wrong With Gay Dating Apps in One Extended Profile"
By David Toussant
No fats, no fems, no PNP, no one over 30, no face=no chat, no BS, NSA, no blacks, no Asians (nothing personal, I just think you guys are trolls). If you act gay, no chat. DDF, non-smoker, HIV-neg as of five minutes ago, into Random Play. If you think you’re VGL you’re probably not. Mixed here. No chat before you send more photos. No husband no wife, no boyfriend, no phonies. Say more than “hi” if you want me to respond. Find me on Instagram. No F-buddies. I’m not interested in what your dick looks like so don’t send pic. Must be hung. Massage therapist here. No leather or role-play. If you like musical theater, I won’t like you. Say something to impress me; be cool, be different. No body hair, no shaved pubes, no roids, not into hookups or groups. In Miami next week, NY week after. No top bunk, bottom bunk metaphors. Be yourself. No man-cunt, man-pussy, or man-breeders. Want new friends more than anything. Watersports welcome. Plan to Skype first so I know you’re worth my time. Dates preferred. Must have great sense of humor. No liars; I’ll know your real age. Latins to the front of the line. No short guys. Personal trainer too! No bars, non-drinkers. If I’m on here, I’m looking, so don’t ask if I’m horny. If you’re over 40 please be hot. If you’ve got a swimmer’s build, go swimming and go away. Yoga may be great for the soul, but I don’t want to f*** your soul. Must be extremely built. Professional, seeks same. Looking for hot buds to hang with 4 long sessions. No Middle Eastern guys—nothing personal, just a preference. Israelis a plus. Straight-acting. No daddies, dilfs, or bears or cubs or otters, NO twinks, no brainless body worshippers, no way. “Toned” = “Fattie,” so don’t bother. No “slim” dudes. Not into labels. Not into the “scene.” Tired of all the games on here. Spiritual. I’m great-looking, muscular, masc. vers. bottom looking for same to fill my sweet hole. Check out my White Party fb page. Discreet and honest and fun. Looking for a LTR and can’t host. I’m real. UB2!
This shit here. Have of the guys aren’t even to what they list in a profile.
See how ridiculous this is?